Home & Family Facts and Notes

I never suspected infidelity; you most likely saw no signs either. Now those signs are embedded in my brain, since the affair hurt so bad. Unfortunately, I know the steps to take when cheated on. Hopefully, I will never use them.

For all of you out there who are wondering what to do if hurt by infidelity, I’m going to give you the advice that I have gathered during my ordeal. This advice comes from a number of wonderful aunties, grandmas, sister, and friends. It turns out, many of us have been hurt by an affair.

My grandma explained that infidelity was something many men succumbed to, but was not discussed in her day. Spending quality time with yourself, plugging into something you love was her best advice. Eventually the turmoil starts to dissipate and you adjust to the affair.

My Aunties, who grew up in a time that considered psychology very \”hip\”, all suggested that the best way to recover was to find a good therapist and talk about it. One of my Uncles chimed in with \”yes, you have to resolve the issues internally\”.

Then of course, my sister had a more physical approach, no not beating my husband or the aproblema, as she called him. Instead, she suggested I yell, hit something soft and just release it all, including letting my spouse go.

My friends had a variety of advice, from counseling to buying a home in Tuscany and starting life over. Some of the advice was sound, and some of the advice sounded like old movie plots. The one thing that really rang true for me was one bit of advice from an old friend. She reminded me that this was not my fault, that it was about my spouse’s lack of integrity, not my lack of beauty, or grace, or worth.

I listened to my old friend and then I went and sat looking in the mirror. I found no evidence of fault there. I found no guilt. What I saw was just a lot of pain and sadness, a deep hurt that the one I trusted had caused, and only I could release.

So I took the advice from my loved ones. I spent time alone painting, I worked in my flower gardens. I found a really good counselor and started going on a regular basis. When I felt overwhelmed I beat on my pillow and screamed. I stopped in front of the mirror once a day and looked at the beautiful, graceful, worthy, person that I am.

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